


Tesoro

by 4ce_in_sp4ce



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Booker comes clean about Copley and Merrick earlier and doesn't get exiled, Drinking, Found Family, Gen, Guilt, I don't speak Italian so I'm so sorry if I'm using these endearments wrong or misconjugating them, Self-Loathing, alcohol use, excessive use of endearments, nicky is an affectionate drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25516096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4ce_in_sp4ce/pseuds/4ce_in_sp4ce
Summary: Booker was a selfish man. He knew that, and he knew it was entirely his fault things were like this. But that didn't mean he didn't still miss what he'd lost.Or Nicky reminds Booker what it means to be family
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova
Comments: 9
Kudos: 351





	Tesoro

**Author's Note:**

> _cara mia_ \- my dear  
>  _amore mio_ \- my love  
>  _cuore mio_ \- my heart  
>  _la mia amina_ \- my soul  
>  _tesoro_ \- treasure

Booker sat in the back of the room, trying to stay as far out of the others’ ways as possible. Joe was cleaning up the kitchen with well-practiced movements, coming out to join the others periodically as he finished tidying things up. Andy, Nile, and Nicky were all seated around the table with their drinks. Andy had been recounting a particularly entertaining set of exploits from 14th century China for the last hour or so, with Joe’s voice drifting out into the dining room to add in details every once in a while. Nile had spent the entire time going between exclamations of disbelief and laughing, while Nicky sat back and simply watched it all with a grin and the occasional kiss from Joe when he wandered out of the kitchen. Booker had positioned himself in the corner with a bottle of whiskey as soon as the meal had been done and none of them had paid him much mind since then, nor had he expected them to.

He was honestly surprised he’d been invited over in the first place. Things had been understandably tense since the whole Merrick fiasco and he knew he’d come close to being temporarily exiled from the group. Coming clean to Andy about Copley and Merrick after Joe and Nicky had been kidnapped had probably been the only thing that had kept him in the group, and even then he knew Joe had still been in favour of exiling him for a few decades at the very least, if not more. He took a drink of whiskey, sinking down into his chair. _They should’ve_ exiled him. He’d betrayed them. He’d realized his mistake after the church, after seeing what Merrick was willing to do to his friends, and he’d tried to make it right, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d still done it in the first place. Sold them out. _Hurt_ them. He deserved their anger, not their forgiveness. 

“ _Cara mia!_ ”

Booker let out a dry chuckle as Nicky’s voice broke through his thoughts. Despite his love of wine he’d always had the lowest tolerance of all of them, and excessive use of endearments was a sure sign that he was well on his way to being drunk. He was an affectionate man to begin with, and alcohol only amplified that. Soon he’d be giving out hugs and telling everyone he loved them before he inevitably ended up seated happily on Joe’s lap. It certainly wasn’t a surprising turn of events; Nicky had steadily worked his way through several bottles of wine over the course of dinner and was still going strong, so the on-coming rush of affection was all but guaranteed.

Sure enough, Nicky’s arm was draped around a laughing Nile as he disputed some aspect of Andy’s story when Booker looked up. “That is absolutely _not_ how that happened, _amore mio_. You’re just trying to make yourself look good!”

Andy raised an eyebrow, grinning. “Oh really? How did it actually go then?”

Booker looked back down at his bottle as Nicky launched into his own version of the events, arm still wrapped around Nile’s shoulders. He was glad to see them all happy and relaxed like this, and it was nice to see Nile easily finding her place in the group. He knew it had been hard for her to have to accept she couldn’t see her family again, _god_ he knew how hard that was, but her new family had welcomed her with open arms and hearts immediately. It was good to see her smile and laugh, and good to see the others laughing too after what had happened.

It hurt though. The outpouring of love and affection that he knew was coming would be tender and sincere and heartwarming as always, and painful because he knew it wasn’t for him. He wouldn’t be called by increasingly sappy terms of endearment or receive a warm hug or kiss on the cheek like he had in the past. Not now. Maybe not ever again. He’d given that up when he’d betrayed them. Betrayed their love and trust. His presence was something to be tolerated now, not to be celebrated. 

He took a long drink, hoping that maybe the whiskey would fill the ache in his chest even though it never had in the past. Joe had joined them now, the kitchen finally clean and back in order, and Nicky was leaning against him, calling him _cuore mio_ and _la mia anima_ , his legs propped up on Andy’s lap. Each term of endearment made the ache in Booker’s chest stronger until finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up quietly and slipped out to the balcony, closing the door behind him carefully. Let them have their time together; there was no reason for him to continue intruding on it.

The Chicago skyline spread out before him. It was a nice skyline; his favourites tended to shift every couple of decades but this one was definitely occupying one of the top spots currently. He took another drink as he stared out at the lights, feeling hollow. It was selfish of him to miss that affection, he knew that. He was the one who had thrown it away, he didn’t have the right to miss it like he did. But he was a selfish man. It had been what had led him to Merrick in the first place, and it was what made him wish now for nothing more than for Nicky to call him a stupid, sappy name or Andy to hug him like she used to or Joe to make that soup he thought was weird simply because he knew Booker liked it. He’d never truly appreciated their affection or how freely they’d given it until he’d lost it. He didn’t know if he’d ever fully get it back now and god it was selfish of him but that fucking _hurt_. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out on the balcony when he heard the door open behind him but he knew it had been a while, his fingers numb from the wind. Nicky came up beside him, resting his elbows against the balcony railing. “Being immortal doesn’t mean we can’t still get sick, you know.” He drew out the vowels in his words, accent more prominent like it always was when he drank. “You’re going to catch a cold out here.”

Booker shrugged. “I’m fine. I’ve got this,” he motioned to the bottle in his hand, “to keep me warm.”

Nicky stared out at the skyline. He was leaning against the railing heavily and even in the near darkness Booker could see how flushed his face was. He clearly hadn’t slowed down on the wine in the time Booker had been out here. _He’s probably well into the hugging stage by this point. He’ll be planted in Joe’s lap before long._ Booker took a long drink, the thought making his chest ache just that much more. “You’ve been quiet this evening.”

Booker shrugged again, looking down. “Didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Hm.” 

Nicky nodded and the silence stretched between them, Booker hating every second of it. All it did was serve as a painful reminder of just how badly he’d fucked up. He took another drink; he was nearing the end of the bottle, but that didn’t mean anything. He’d just get another one.

“Give it time, Book.” Booker looked over, surprised, when Nicky spoke again. He could still hear the wine in Nicky’s voice, but it had taken a softer tone under the slightly slurred words. “It’s the one thing we have in abundance. Let things heal.”

Booker gripped the whiskey bottle, trying to shove down the emptiness and regret that threatened to well up in his chest. “What I did…”

“What you did hurt. Nothing can change that. And it’ll take time for things to return to how they were. But you’re family. That’ll never change.” Nicky’s arm settled around his shoulders, pulling him in, and he pressed a gentle kiss to Booker’s temple. “You’re loved, _tesoro_. By all of us, even when we’re mad. And don’t you dare forget it. That’s what being family means.” He stood there, arm resting around Booker, for a moment before groaning and straightening up. “It’s fucking _cold_ out here, Book. I’m going back inside where it’s warm and there’s wine.”

Booker nodded as Nicky’s arm dropped away from his shoulders. The coldness of the wind and night air enveloped him again, but some of the warmth from Nicky’s embrace lingered. He continued looking out over the city as the balcony door opened and closed behind him, tears blurring the city lights. He was a selfish man. He knew that. But maybe, just this once, that was okay.


End file.
